UCCF

2008-12-05T04:39:00.000-08:00

I had to do an open studio day today as part of the deal of doing the Whisper residency and having the privilege of time and space at the Chinese Arts Centre to carry out my mission. I almost freaked out and was quite unnerved about it all day. All this time I had been able to privately work on making myself feel obsessive and desirous of what was necessary, to become the UCCF and then to nurture these feelings. Now all of a sudden I felt exposed, like overly bright light breaking abruptly into my well loved darkness and all these people to enter this realm of mine that feels so precious.

Thankfully not many people came, I donned my new karate suit that I had bought especially for the day and worked on a mind map to help me actively strategise how to accomplish my mission. Oh yes I forgot to mention the last two nights I took part in a Tai Chi and a kung-fu class. The latter I wasn't so impressed with - it was ran by some Lee Jun guy who had apparently trained with Bruce Lee before, but was just a load of sweaty boys kicking cushions - I didn't even see a Chinese person - not Chinese enough for me! I can't wait to start showing people some of the moves I picked up though....

2008-11-27T15:24:00.000-08:00

Hee Hee Hee, I am very pleased with myself at the moment. There's a little room in my studio - a sort of large cupboard really and little did anyone know that I had been rapidly creating my own shrine and den in there.

It is magnificent, anything Chinese that I have come across has found a place in there, I have hoarded loads of stuff from the shop of the Chinese Arts Centre and they haven't even noticed! Hee hee hee. Oh god, it's almost too much to handle, I spend hours at a time in there, just basking.

Dear Diary

2008-11-18T14:52:00.000-08:00

'A girl called Mao Li was working today for the CAC and she was actually born in China - a genuine, original Chinese person! I was so excited my palms went sweaty, I cornered her almost immediately and bombarded her with many questions....

She was a musician and advised me on the most Chinese music (the CAC actually had some of these recommendations for sale at the front desk, I snuck them under my top and listened to them this evening in the dark - pure aural pleasure).

She told me of a possible Chinese Culture fanatic - a waiter in Fallowfields who seemed to like Chinese things a lot, (I will be going to visit him and see if he would like to be my follower). She also gave me tips of other places where I could potentially find Chinese fanatics - universities, karaoke bars etc). I have made a target map of all these spots.'

'She also spoke of other things, telling me that most Germans apparently liked Chinese women because they were usually petite...and she told me things which I was confused about - she was not a fanatic herself and the disadvantages of China like corruption and that people there were unsupportive about certain things, for example her love for western classical music was not encouraged over there, which I don't quite understand why anyone would want to play anything else but Chinese music...but her name Mao - now that's just perfect...'

' I watched Kung Fu Hustle this evening, the film was in Cantonese with English subtitles - the language washed over me like music to my ears. It was very inspiring, all about who is the 'Ultimate' fighter, a metaphor to my own ambitions. I slept very well.'

Picture: More web obsessions

More Diary Entries

2008-11-09T16:35:00.000-08:00

'There may be people out there who are more advanced in their fanaticism but I will learn from them, master their art and rise above them (tee hee hee)...If no one responds then it is probably because they are all cowards and that I am The true Ultimate Chinese Culture Fanatic. My heart swells with joy as I entertain the thought of this."

"For lunch I had a spring roll and a roast pork bun, Char Sui Bao (hee hee getting in with the Chinese lingo...)"

"I walked to Chinatown through the 'Chinese archway', walking through this is like going through heaven's gateway...!!.. I wish I could embed myself into Chinatown somehow, I was a little disappointed when I realised I can't afford to buy everything Chinese. When I am fully realised as the UCCF and would probably be a millionaire, I will buy the whole town."

"I decided to purchase to go all the way and purchase some Chinese porn, the gentlemen behind the counter for some reason acted bizarrely, he avoided eye contact and his wife next to him muttered under her breath 'Oh mi god! that's disgraceful!' I shook my head at them, they as Chinese people should be happy that I am embracing all aspects of Chinese Culture."

Boredom, Obsession & Mind over matter

2008-11-09T15:13:00.000-08:00

One day a bit at a loss in the studio I decided that the best thing I could do was to go to the library to see if I could find any books to help in my dilemma.

As I search through the catalogue for any article or reference that contained the words 'fanatic' and 'ultimate' I realised I needed something short of a whole life change over. So I picked out a load of self-help books including ones that claimed to help one attain desired goals and necessary powers.

I was thrilled to find that they had a Chinese section with real Chinese people in it. I almost wet myself as I saw the Chinese font newspapers. I rented out a lot of Chinese films from Tai chi masters demonstrations to a feature film about cops being led on a ruse by robbers controlling the media. Little did I know that they would later become highly influential.

At times I was bored, I got agitated that a Chinese magazine had English text also, so I set about blanking out the latter. It helped sooth and calm my restlessness momentarily. Reading the self-help books I learnt that I had to gain mind over matter. So I wrote 'I am the Ultimate Chinese Culture Fanatic, I will be the Ultimate Chinese Culture Fanatic, I shall...' over and over, I shall believe that this is the case.

Feeling that perhaps I might need a bit of social life, I went out for a drink. I was very pleased with the bar that I went to, they had a picture of a lady who no doubt looked Chinese. I stare mesmerisingly at her for the rest of the night.

Getting into the mindset of the UCCF or Memoirs of a UCCF

2008-10-16T16:45:00.001-07:00

I was curious to know what my mind would be thinking if I was the UCCF, so I started to write a diary and attempted to get my head to meander in this way. Here are some snippets of diary entries....

"Dear Diary,

I have arrived at the Chinese Arts Centre around midday. This is the perfect place to begin my mission. I am surrounded by many chinese things and will be able to live next to it all! I surveyed the people here and is glad that no one appears to be a potential competitor to my ambition to claim the 'Ultimate ' title.

....at tea I ate a stirfryish dish - it had rice and soya sauce. I nodded to myself contently, it is a good start."

"...When I was in the basement nicking some toilet roll, I noted that there was a paper lion and a lucky cat! My heart palpitated alittle with excitement. Secretly I will sneak them into my room and stroke them....

A nice man interviewed me this afternoon about my mission, I smiled smugly I must be hopeful as to being the 'Ultimate' if the press are interested in me.... I got so clogged up with excitement I blanked out and could not articulate to him properly my ingenious plans....to eventually take over the world! But these things take time and I suppose I would have been too hasty, I need to achieve the title first!"

"Could not sleep very well last night, it is as if a fever had begun to grip me....4.32am I went to the Resource room to browse the internet just so I could see all these images that were Chinese.... it was almost calamity though as I lapped up every morsel getting more hyper and excited....7.31am Dizzy, dazed and nauseous I finally slipped off to bed...."

For more diary entries please tune in next week....

In the beginning

2008-10-16T15:51:00.000-07:00

Not quite knowing how to start I began by making a call out for the possibility of Chinese culture fanatics might exist. I had this idea that I would like to be a disciple of an actual fanatic and learn directly from them how to be one.

I put notices up in the neighbouring area and around the Chinatown which consisted of text that went along the lines of -

Then I set about signing up to all the classified columns of different publications and announcing my interest there. I even created a special profile on The Guardian newspaper's soulmates website to see if I could increase my chances of finding someone appropriate.

My only responses were a few dodgy pursuits and a phone call one morning at 7.53am with a man saying "..My heart skips a beat when I order sweet and sour chicken with prawn crackers..." and then the phone went dead.

Introduction

2008-10-09T15:46:00.000-07:00

It was a paltry start when I first embarked on the two week Whisper residency at the Chinese Arts Centre, back in 22 June - 6 July 2006, on the mission of becoming the 'Ultimate Chinese Culture Fanatic'. In this picture although still a rookie I was already quite far advance at this point. I stabbed blankly and pathetically as I wandered aimlessly at knowing what on earth this could be. There was plenty of identity slippage as I morphed in and out of this definition, trying different roles that would fit this criteria and part just having plain stage fright and confusion as who I was suppose to be when questioned about my position.